Top 10 Christmas Movies

Okay, it's that time of year. (Obviously) Every year I tell myself I'm gonna watch alllll these Christmas movies, and I never do. Oh, I manage to squeeze one, two - maybe even three in there. But I never watch as many as I'd like to.

Until this year. I've actually watched 8 of the movies on this list! Plus I've watched other movies and TV specials that didn't make the list/couldn't make the list. (I didn't include TV specials, otherwise forget it!)

So without further ado, my top 10 favorite Christmas movies of all time.

10.  The Santa Clause

I've always had a soft spot for this one. You gotta admit it's pretty original - Santa dies so this working single dad gets stuck being Santa and has a year to accept it. Meanwhile his son runs around telling everyone he's Santa, and everyone thinks he's warping the kid's brain. Funny and touching - all the things a good Christmas movie should be. I even like the sequel, I must admit.

9. A Christmas Carol

I like the old school one starring Alistar Sim - it's my favorite version that doesn't involve puppets. Everyone knows the story here - unless you're secretly from Mars. It's the most classic Christmas story out there. Seriously, it's a brilliant story - far and away the best thing Dickens ever wrote in my opinion. ...And I don't like anything else he wrote, so that's not hard. But I love, love, LOVE a Christmas story, and yeah, I read it. Under my own power. This version sticks pretty close to the book, which is why I like it so much. "Bah! Humbug!"

8. A Christmas Story

"You'll shoot your eye out, kid!" There's a reason this movie is shown in a 24-hour marathon every year - it is hilarious! Oh, little Ralphie's quest for a Red Ryder BB gun never gets old. Who can forget Flik's tongue getting stuck to the pole? Or dad's "major award"? Or the Bumpass' dogs? There are just so many memorable scenes. Most memorable is probably the scene with Santa, where Ralphie grips onto the slide for dear life to tell Santa what he wants, only to get a shoe in the face. Ho ho ho!

7. Muppet Christmas Carol

Muppets? Songs? The story of A Christmas Carol? Yes, please! The Muppets can do no wrong in my book. And they certainly brought their unique sense of humor and their entertaining tunes to this version of the classic tale. Gonzo and Rizzo are great as the Narrators. And Statler and Waldrof as the Marley Brothers? It's packed with great stuff.

6. Bad Santa
This isn't your typical Christmas movie. It's rated R.
And for good reason. The main character is a drunken criminal named Willy who robs malls every year with his accomplice after he's been playing Santa and has had a chance to scope out the place. There is foul language and sex all over the place! But there are tons of laughs - and there's definitely heart here too. This is such a well written movie - you will root for Billy Bob Thorton's character despite his many, many faults. If you haven't seen this one, you're really missing a great movie.

5. Home Alone

If you were a kid in the early 90's, you've probably seen this movie many, many times. I know I have. What kid wasn't captivated by Kevin's fight against the evil burglar's? Plus he got to eat all that junk food and set up all those cool traps! This movie puts a smile on my face every time. And I even like the sequel. But those other movies were never made as far as I'm concerned.

4. Miracle on 34th Street

Colorized? No. That new one they made back in the 90's - hell no! How dare they! The original is an amazing film with a smart script and fantastic acting behind it. There was a reason Natalie Wood was a top child actress - she was brilliant. Just look at her face when Kris Kringle tells her he's really Santa Clause that first time. I absolutely love the scene where all the letters get dumped on the judge's desk. This is the kind of movies they made before they could rely on stupid special effects.

3. It's a Wonderful 
Life

Another old school classic. Watch poor George Bailey's life get messed up time and time again! But in the end, he realizes how much he's has. Jimmy Stewart is an amazing actor. You really feel for George at every twist and turn. And the part where he and Mary are sharing the phone - now that's real sexual tension for you! Also, if you don't at least have tears in your eyes by the end, you're a robot.

2. Elf

Elf is everything a great Christmas movie should be - original, clever, funny and it makes you believe in the magic of Christmas. Okay, call me corny, but I really love this movie. Will Ferrell is always awesome, but he's truly endearing as Budd the Elf who meets up with his real dad in a human world he just doesn't understand after being raised by elves. Sure, maybe the ending is a little corny, but I think the best Christmas movies have a little of that too. Plus, "You sit on a throne of lies" is one of the best lines ever.

1. Christmas Vacation


A small paragraph is not enough to truly convey my love for this film. I can quote large sections of it. Basically the whole thing is one awesome scene after another. It's hilarious and endearing - the best family related Christmas movie ever made. Well, in my opinion anyway. All Clark Griswold wants is to throw a fun old fashioned family Christmas - but his family and boss keep getting in his way. By the end, you'll be singing along with everybody else. And you gotta love Aunt Bethany and Uncle Lewis. And that squirrel.

My Top 10 Christmas Movie Quotes

Okay, this was a difficult list to make. I LOVE Christmas movies, and so narrowing it down to just ten movies was hard enough. But then I decided to choose only 1 quote per movie. Many of these movies have many quotable lines, but I stuck to only the best of the best and, in some cases, the most classic lines. And yeah, some of these are technically TV specials, but what're ya gonna do.

So here we go. These are in no particular order.

     Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?  

    Christmas Vacation (1989) This movie is full of classic lines - many of them ones I know by heart from watching it so often! If you've never seen this movie, you're seriously deprived - it is THE funniest Christmas movie ever, hands down. There are so many classic moments. "SQUIRRRRRRRREL!!!!" - Just one example. But the above quote comes at the climax of the movie, where the main character and family patriarch, Clark Griswold (played by Chevy Chase) snaps after finally getting his much anticipated "Christmas bonus". Ah, the holidays.

   The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was...  
   Naddafinga!

   A Christmas Story (1983) Yet another classic movie chock full of quotable lines. It was hard to pick just one from this movie. "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." immediately comes to mind, of course. But I just had to go with the father's reaction to his "major award" being destroyed beyond repair. The whole lamp saga is my favorite part of this must see holiday staple. If you've somehow managed to avoid seeing this movie, um, TBS? 24 hours of it starting on Christmas Eve? Seriously. No excuse.

   Didn't I ever tell you about bumbles? Bumbles bounce!

   Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (1964) I'm actually watching this classic TV special as I write this. Love, love, LOVE this one. I have tons of figures and ornaments based on the characters in this beloved Christmas staple. Yukon Cornelius is my favorite character - and he's the one who gives the line I chose to quote. The "bumble", of course, being the Abominable Snow Monster - post dental work.

   You sit on a throne of lies!

    Elf (2003) This movie may be only 6 years old, but it's an instant classic. Again, soooo many quotable lines. "I love smiling. Smiling's my favorite." Will Ferrel is hilarious and endearing as Buddy  - a human who managed to accidentally sneak into the North Pole as a baby and wound up raised by elves. It's a movie I have to watch every year. The ending always puts a big smile on my face. I wish they made more Christmas movies nowadays in the same spirit as this one. Anyway, the quoted line comes from Buddy when he confronts a department store Santa. It's a scene you really should see for yourself, if you haven't already.

   And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two!

   How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966) Yeah, I'm talking about the classic, original cartoon version that was made for TV - not that horrible Jim Carey movie that I couldn't stand watching for more than 10 minutes. Dear god, that was an abomination. Anyway, I absolutely love this version, as well as the original book. I know large portions of it by heart. I used to own Grinch hats and t-shirts and all that crap. I have a much loved stuffed Grinch that's comes out every holiday season. I'm sure everyone has seen this special. The quote I chose comes from the ending, and it pretty much speaks for itself.

   Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to. Don't you see? It's not just Kris that's on trial, it's everything he stands for. It's kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles.

   Miracle on 34th Street (1947) Again, I'm all about the originals. Remakes. Bah! Humbug! Anyway, this movie is another classic, of course. It's timeless. And, of course, I love it. It's just a movie with a great story before the days where special effects took over. The quoted line comes from Doris Walker, played by the beautiful Maureen O'Hara, who has spent her entire life teaching her daughter to view things realistically - that there's no point in make believe or believing in things you can't see. But after meeting Kris Kringle, the man she hired to play Santa at Macy's, she begins to see the world in a whole different way.

   Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.

   It's a Wonderful Life (1946) The movie the studio tried to kill by releasing it in summer, believe it or not. They thought it would bomb. Well, little did they know they had produced one of the best Christmas movies of all time. Like many of the other movies on this list, it's a classic, a classic that's been parodied many times. It's a wonderful story with a feel good message. The line I chose is, of course, a classic, from the very end of the movie. Atta boy, Clarence.

  This is my house. I have to defend it.

   Home Alone (1990) If you grew up in the 90's, you've probably viewed Home Alone many, many times. To kids, this movie definitely fulfilled some fantasies - being alone and having a house all to yourself. All of the tricks and traps Kevin sets up are awesome. Seriously - my favorite is still the part where Kevin makes it look like there's a party going on using his Michael Jordan cardboard cutout and some mannequins. Anyway, this is another movie chock full of great quotes - but I felt this one summed up the movie. Kevin says it right before the burglar's start their break in.

   Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! When I get home, I'm getting a CAT scan!

   The Santa Clause (1994) Okay, probably not a classic to most people, but I really enjoy this movie. It's clever and always enjoyable to watch. Tim Allen plays Scott Calvin, a man who accidentally becomes Santa Claus after the prior Santa dies on his roof Christmas Eve night. He then must cope with the fact that he's now Santa, and his young son won't stop telling all the unbelieving adults about it. My quote comes from Scott after he finishes delivering the gifts on his first reluctant Christmas.

   If they'd rather die, then they had better do it and decrease the surplus population!

   A Christmas Carol (Done soooo many times!) I love A Christmas Carol - I don't like Dicken's books, but this one is fantastic. I'm sure everyone knows the story here, so I'm not gonna bother rehashing it here. But Scrooge is a pretty quotable guy, and I never met a version of this story I didn't like, so it was impossible to pick a particular movie, and I had a tough time picking just one quote. I ended up settling on this Scrooge-ism, mostly because it's really the most evil thing he says. Enjoy your ghosts, jerk.

In case it wasn't obvious...I really love Christmas movies! And these aren't my only favorites. What are some of your favorite Christmas movies and quotes?

Tune In To ~ Million Dollar Listing

I ran across this show when I was sick a few months ago, and I was immediately hooked. It involves a bunch of things I like: real estate, rich people, and good looking guys - who could ask for anything more?

The show is on Bravo and the season finale for the third season is airing in like half an hour. (10 pm on Monday nights.) Basically the show follows three real estate agents in the Los Angeles/Hollywood/Malibu areas of California: Josh, Chad and Madison. They sell these fantastic multimillion dollar mansions (for the most part) and I enjoy just seeing these amazing homes and the gorgeous views of California. It's also entertaining to watch the agents interact with their clients (especially in this declining market) and occasionally with each other... Chad really doesn't get along with others, but his "business partner" aka a tiny dog named Starla, is cute.

The show is addictive. If you like reality shows, give it a shot. It's an entertaining look at a completely different lifestyle.

Christmas Crap

Right now my house is like Christmas exploded. Seriously. There are plastic tubs of Christmas related crap strewn in every direction. I'm spending my week working late...yay...so hopefully this weekend I'll be able to tackle my holiday hell and put up my tree, town etc. 

Since I don't have much time, here's a quick run down of what I've been up to:

• Thanksgiving was good, although I didn't pay as much attention to the parade as I would have liked. Every time we did look it was another music star we'd never heard of - they always parade (haha, intended) out these up and comers they want to get exposure for at the parade. The whole thing really has gone so commercial. My dad was laughing because one of the floats was sponsored by Jimmy Dean sausage, or something ridiculous. Well, it's kinda sad but kinda necessary. The parade don't pay for itself after all. Just look at the balloons - they're pretty much all corporate mascots. But I still think a corporate parade is better than no parade.
•  So...we got up at 5 a.m. for Black Friday. (We almost didn't get up on time at all because of an iPhone alarm snafu, but I digress.) Anyway, we get to the mall around 5:30 and the parking lot is PACKED. Seriously. It was re-fucking-diculous. I could not believe what a scene it was. It was NOTHING like that last year. So we go inside, and the line at Best Buy wraps around the entire store. Meanwhile, the same stuff is selling online for the same prices. Haha. But I leave my husband online with some stuff anyway, since we're already there and all, and my sister and I go to Old Navy. Line is to the back of the store. I'm not too impressed with the merchandise for sale, but I find a few things, she finds a few things, and she stands online while I check out Target. Another line that wraps around the store. "Fuck this", I say, because I am not about to stand in a line like that for a $10 pack of pajamas (which I was able to buy the next day, with no crowds, thank you very much.) Apparently there was 2 fist fights in Target, and while I thankfully did not see any such displays (seriously, people?! Seriously?! It's stuff! Not the last lifeboat off the Titanic!) I did see a cop. So I go to J.C. Penney. And omg, it was nirvana in there. So not crowded, found pretty much everything I wanted, and checked out quickly without waiting on a line that stretched on endlessly to a department I didn't even know existed. Thank you, J.C. Penney. They ended up getting more of my business because of the chaos at Target. I returned to Old Navy after this, where my sister was still waiting online (she was finally at the front) and had only been recently joined by Brian, the Best Buy line survivor. Once we were finally done there, it was on to Express (totally fine) and Bath and Body Works (crowded, but certainly manageable) before we headed to Modells. That store was also pretty quiet. Then we went home and shopped online. This was my fourth Black Friday, and I've always said the craziness was worth it...but this year I don't really think it was. A lot of the stuff was available online. I don't know if I'll get up early again next year.
• Have you seen Million Dollar Listing on Bravo? It deserves a post all to itself, but I certainly suggest watching it if you should stumble across an episode.
• Streaming Netflix? Amazing. How did we ever live without this stuff? It's so easy to get spoiled isn't it? Remember VCRs? I shudder just thinking about it. We had a separate device just to rewind the tapes! 

All right, well that about does it for now. I've seen no good movies lately, I'm behind on my TV shows and podcasts, and I've got a trip to California coming up in 24 days and a major holiday I still need to buy for coming up in 23. And before all of that I need to get some sleep.